the open road

a long time coming

2009-10-28T23:26:00.003-04:00

I realized tonight as a friend was talking about updating his blog that I haven't written on mine in quite a while, and then suddenly I found myself logging in and typing. . . .

To say that this long electronic silence has been due to major life events would be a mild understatement. My dad died December 29, 2008, quite unexpectedly, and so my inclination for creative expression has been almost nothing during the months since then. And that's OK--it is slowly coming back, I feel.

Plus, really, what words can sufficiently describe something that major? I have yet to find them. There is a lot more to the concept and reality of death, let alone my father's death, than I realized, and I understand very little. I am now just beginning to feel as though I am awakening from a long internal sleep, and beginning to feel a bit more myself. Outwardly perhaps people around me may not even notice the difference, because I tend to keep things to myself, but grief is a funny thing. After the months of sheer initial shock, I find it is now more likely to sneak up on me in unexpected places and catch me off guard-- at work, where the new handsoap in the bathroom smells exactly how my dad smelled; in Starbucks, where they played one of the old country western songs that my dad listened to on car trips; on a walk in the woods, where I noticed wintergreen berries growing, something my dad always tried to convince me to eat but which I never would. This is probably a good thing, because I find it is a very gracious way that the Lord helps me to face something so mind-blowingly painful in smaller pieces, a sort of way to process things.

I could go on, but there is not enough space or time to do this subject justice. Perhaps I will mention it again here, but not necessarily. Suffice to say--I miss my dad, more than I'm even able to express, which should just be an assumed fact about me even if I do not talk about this very much. It has been the hardest thing my family has dealt with, and I honestly am amazed we have made it this far. We would appreciate your prayers just as we deal with the hundreds of changes, problems, and details that have continuously popped up since Dad has died.

I'm doing OK, I think, as far as these things go, and only because of the Lord's strength have I gotten to the point where I am starting to move forward in life again, and not because I am trying to forget or cover up the pain, but in spite of it, which has not always been the case. Circumstantially, it has been a pretty good summer and fall, to be sure. Lots more weddings, a baby in the house, a promotion at work, and so I am trying to focus on the good things. I have especially been enjoying the fall colors--I cannot remember another fall when I have observed such depths of beauty in nature all around me, and I am enjoying taking walks and road trips (another blog post for another time) while the weather holds. And I always appreciate and love the time I spend with friends and family, to whom I cannot express my deepest gratitude for the support that has been shown towards my family during this time. Thanks, friends--I wanted to write this especially to express that thanks again.

So, there's the update. There have been a few other things I have occasionally thought about posting, but really, first things first.

Thanksgiving Haiku

2008-12-03T23:11:00.002-05:00

Thanks, Mom, for sending
Those Thanksgiving leftovers!
I savor each bite.

the next pages

2008-11-11T23:26:00.000-05:00

Today I am using up the last pages of my journal. It's crazy to think about how much has happened since I started using it in January. . . .
I moved back to Michigan. I moved back to Jackson. Tanya came back from Peru. I got a job. Tanya went back to Peru. I moved in with Thad and Nikki. I ended up staying at my job (much to my surprise). I reconnected with lots of people I'd missed. Friends got married (a lot of them). I saw my best friend Amanda in Chicago. I spent a week in Indianapolis. I went to a conference at Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship. I went camping. I've hung out with my family intermittently. . . the list goes on.
Big things have happened, too. God's done a lot in my heart, a lot, I tell you. It's been a time of major growth and healing, because being back from Arizona was not a fun time for a while until I allowed God to teach me about His purposes. I also felt in the spring that while I was in Arizona God opened my heart back up to doing overseas ministry -- it's something I felt God wanted me to do in some form back while I was in college, but really, the longer I was out of college, the more I lost the vision for that, and I found that I'd become too comfortable with where I was in life. But, as I prayed in the months after I came back to Michigan, God really gave me some clear guidance in this area, and so I signed up with VISA ministries through the Free Methodist Church. At this point I am working on fundraising and the like (you can email me if you want more details/want to get updates about what's going on, or if you want to be part of my intercessory prayer team). I won't be posting details here, other than to say that I'm going, I'll probably be gone for two years, and I'm looking to go sometime late this winter (or whenever the funds are raised). I'm excited, but also just sort of holding on, wondering what's happening sometimes, because it's not reality yet.
In more recent months, I've really enjoyed the communities I'm a part of -- at Comunidad Agua Viva, and at Consuming Fire, a prayer ministry at SAU. I am refreshed and challenged by what God is doing in our midst, and I am truly thankful to be surrounded by so many amazing brothers and sisters in Christ. I have an increasing sense daily of God's presence and love and it's been great to see Him not only change my heart in drastic ways, but also touch others' lives and get a glimpse of His heart for people. I'm enjoying how He's reactivated art in my life, as well -- I used to draw, paint, collage, etc., a lot until I went to college, and I just sort of pushed it away, but I've felt inspired in new ways, which is great because I didn't realize how much I missed it and how much myself I feel when I do creative things.
Anyway. I could say more, I probably will soon, but I thought an update was long overdue.
Oh, what things are contained between the covers of a journal! Praise God for the abundance He has poured out in my life!

Happy Leap Day, or Any Excuse to Post Fun Pictures

2008-02-29T14:28:00.009-05:00

Hey! Did you know it is Leap Day! 'Cause I did. Do? Sometimes I get the "grammars" -- where I get a little grammatically ambiguous. Think something along the line of "shivers" or "tremors," only on a cognitive level. Or, perhaps a term that could be used to refer to your parents' mothers, or a group of grandmothers.

Ooh, Another Tangent: This quandary reminds me of a phrase I've heard some Britons say . . . "Did do." As in, "Did you celebrate Leap Day yesterday, pip pip, cheerio?"

"Yeh, did do, right-o."

Anyway. Back to the point, which was. . . . oh, yes. Behind every picture is a story. This one's story is pretty short, involving me at home alone yesterday; mix in a little boredom, a digital camera with a timer, and a lot of jumping up and down and seeing pictures of myself in rather unflattering stages of jumping (and consequently deleting said pictures). This is the end result. Maybe my favorite self-portrait in a while. And yes, I did it specifically for Leap Day.

Here's my favorite quote about Leap Day:
"LEAP DAY! CATCH THE FEVER AND COUGH ON A FRIEND!" I HEARD TH. . . Ahem, sorry, didn't mean to keep yelling, I heard that one on Conan O'Brien this week.

Did I mention I need a job?

Ok, last thing: these next pictures are also some of my faves from the past few months (in the category of "pictures I have taken that haven't been inanimate objects/scenery"). I took them at my going away get-together in Phoenix. They look like they were intentionally taken as a series. . . so let's just leave it at that, instead of thinking that maybe it took more than one try to get the final picture.

Ahh. Ain't nothing like some sweet live-action pics. Mamma Laura's proud.

back in jackson

2008-02-25T04:34:00.001-05:00

I've been back in Jackson for two weeks now, and back in frigid Michigan for three weeks (four weeks? I am starting to lose count. . . ) My road trip back was mostly uneventful, thankfully, other than delaying the trip by a day because of weather in Flagstaff, and then adding a day to the planned driving time (big winter storm + fighting off a cold = car crash waiting to happen = time to get off of the road).

When I'm on trips like this (as I am wont to do more frequently these days), I tend towards a bit of sensory overload -- when I drive through new places, I always want to look around at everything (while of course still driving safely, and never taking pictures while operating a vehicle) and take in the scenery, especially the beautiful scenery I saw at times on the trip. Also, a five-day road trip leaves one with quite a bit of time to think and reflect. So, you would think I had some sort of profound revelation of the purposes behind this whole, well, whatever it was; some theory as to what might be next. Something. And don't think my little brain didn't try to come up with something, that my heart wasn't searching for something to grasp. Some sort of analysis for the past four months of what exactly had happened, and the part I played in why I was returning.

You know what, though? I realized that I could either keep driving myself crazy asking all these questions, trying to blame circumstances/God/myself, which I had started doing, or I could just let it go, that the whys weren't quite so important at that point. Knowing why, while nice at times, would not change the fact that I was at that moment in a car that was hurtling me back towards Jackson. Besides, God was choosing not to tell me why at the moment, as He is usually reluctant to tell those sort of things all at once, so the rest was just my feverish, biased, and poorly-informed speculation. So, at least for the duration of the trip, I tried to not dwell on these things, and enjoy the journey. At least, as much as I could, seeing as my feet froze as soon as I got into northeastern Arizona and stayed that way the rest of the time. I did see some interesting sights, of course -- revisiting Albuquerque, traveling along Route 66 (and on it at different points), taking in the various Starbuckses and Motel 6's along the way. Really, though, if you are thinking of making the same trip, I don't recommend this time of year -- you really don't want to stop very much and take pictures, and it's not as pretty once you get out of New Mexico, because everything's either flat/frozen/snow-covered/closed early.

I do miss Phoenix. I miss my roommate, my friends from church, my co-workers, and I miss the mountains. But, I will be OK, too, and this is all normal. I missed being in Michigan pretty badly at times, too, and I survived that. I can't say much as far as a summation of what I've learned, really, at this point, since I'm still processing all of this, but I know I have changed, and learned some good things about myself, and made some mistakes, and that I'm better equipped to live here, for however long that is, because I went to Phoenix. What's more important, I'm closer to God than when I left, which is no small thing, and another story in itself.

So, here I am (here am I? Biblical, yet very Yoda-esque). I still feel a little disoriented once in a while, and keep forgetting where I am at different times. Not that the snow isn't a dead giveaway, but more like when I wake up in the morning and it takes me a moment to figure out where I'm at, or if I'm in a store like Target and get frustrated trying to find something, or driving somewhere trying to remember the traffic laws (U-turns definitely not allowed here, and speed limits are much lower). Just little things.

God is continuing to lead me through this, slowly, and I am catching glimpses of His hand, trying to pay attention to hear His voice, and being reminded of His love in big and small ways. I am still trying to understand it all, understand how I must live out of the changes that have taken place inside me over the past months. I am also learning that I can do very little on my own.

So, God's next task? I need a job. . . . which, unmistakably, God must have His hand in all this, if He's brought me back to Michigan to find work. . . so if anyone hears something. . . .

Check 'em out

2008-02-16T19:25:00.002-05:00

Hey, I'm putting up a bunch of pictures on Flickr, if you scroll down and click on the picture-thingy on the right side of the page, you can see them. There is everything from Christmas pictures, to my friends' wedding, to pics from Arizona. And some of them are not half bad.

Also, some posts are coming about the trip back to Michigan, etc. But not yet. I'm still unthawing.

Quote of the Day

2008-01-24T00:34:00.000-05:00

On Washington Post's website --

'"It's important to win," Crist said in an interview at the governor's mansion. "If you're going to win somewhere, you've got to win."'
--Florida Governor Charlie Crist, on Rudy Giuliani's campaigning in Florida

I'm glad we're clear on that.

Comforting Words

2008-01-17T04:18:00.000-05:00

Here are some quotes that are encouraging me tonight. There is a lot going on (when hasn't that been the case in the last few months, anyway?) in my heart right now. Put simply, Phoenix has not turned out as I had expected, in a number of ways, but most tangibly, financially. I have to decide over the next week or so if I need to cut my losses (literally) and move back to Michigan at the end of this month--or, someone will call me and offer me one of the jobs I've applied for, and I'll be able to stay.

So I am in an unexpected place, one that upsets and frustrates me, and in which I find myself at a bit of a loss as to which direction to turn, but I am finding more peace as I can do nothing except wait on God. I've been looking over my journal at the months before I left Michigan, and at a few books that a friend brought up in an email that I'd read previously, and at the Bible, and I am finding comfort, and perhaps just a faint shimmer of hope.

Here they are.

"We rediscover Emmanuel in the times where He seems hidden."
-- From my notes from a sermon author Lauren F. Winner preached while I visited Mars Hill Bible Church this summer; the sermon was about the theme of God's hiddenness in Esther

"'What if that's how God deals with us?' We ask Him all the time for the unimportant things, for the surface things, for a water bottle, but all the while He's offering us Himself, and He has to withhold the things we desire so that we will see Him and want Him before the other things, that we'll continue in relationship with Him instead of just expecting things all the time."
-- from my journal, from a conversation with Mel Hayward where she was talking about how their team had processed a relationship had developed with a family that wasn't based on material things but on real relationship, something that can be hard in India, when they were asked frequently for items without any sort of desire for relational connection

"Where there is ruin, there is hope for a treasure." -- Rumi, quoted in Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott

"I will ask him to help me to place myself fully in his care, to abandon myself to him, knowing that he always wants what is best for me." -- from Sacred Space, an online daily prayer website

". . . When a lot of things start going wrong all at once, it is to protect something big and lovely that is trying to get itself born--and that this something needs for you to be distracted so that it can be born as perfectly as possible." -- Traveling Mercies

"Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you." -- 1 Peter 5:7, The Message

What One Semester of Spanish Can Do for You!

2007-12-05T02:49:00.001-05:00

This video brings back fond (?) memories of senior year of high school, when I decided it would be a good idea to take first-year Spanish. (Hint: it pretty much was a drag because I was the oldest student in there . . . but it was easy.)

I'd like to dedicate this post to my friends Carlos and Jenny, who are getting married December 15 -- can't wait to see you guys!

Quote of the Day

2007-12-03T18:48:00.000-05:00

This from Bernd Brunner, who has written a book about bears entitled. . . . Bears. I heard him on NPR on the Diane "Lady Death" Rehm show during the five minutes it took to get to work today. He was talking about how people need to be better educated when bears start repopulating into their communities, citing an example in Germany of a bear who was being harassed by the community through which it was traveling. Of the incident, he said (a scholar, mind you):

"It was a classic case of Bearanoia."

A new word that will be forever fixed in my memory.

the Starbucks challenge

2007-12-02T01:28:00.000-05:00

As of Friday, I have officially worked at Starbucks for a month. I have the official "green apron" and everything.
Look at me -- I am just as sickeningly upbeat at 4am as I am when you stop by for your late-night caffeine buzz! (Ok, well, maybe not upbeat . . . but I am amazed at what I am able to chirrup out when I work opening shifts. . . barista got to get paid, son.)

Anyway, as much as Starbucks is, really, a good place to work, I don't think I would ever take on this guy's challenge -- he figured out how many Starbucks are in Manhattan (171) and decided to visit all of them in one day. He also consumed at least part of a purchase at each store.

Mark Malkoff Takes the Starbucks Challenge

It made me start twitching just thinking about it. . . .

literary roundup

2007-11-26T21:31:00.000-05:00

And why not? Here's what I've been reading over the past few months (most recent first), with perhaps the odd comment or two. For all of you out there studying exactly what it takes to be just like me. . .

currently reading: The Nine by Jeffrey Toobin
Grace (Eventually) by Anne Lamott
Letter to a Christian Nation by Sam Harris -- if you are a Christian (or, really, a follower of any religion) and want to read something that flys in the face of pretty much all of your deeply held convictions, this would be the book to read -- it makes you think, which is a good thing; Harris really would like to see the eradication of all religious practice, pretty much
Affluenza by John DeGraaf, David Wann, Thomas H Naylor, and Vicki Robin -- I'm sort of stuck at about halfway right now on this one
The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion (audiobook)
Sex God by Rob Bell (also on audiobook -- which I may just decide to do with any future Rob Bell books)
Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott -- thanks to my friend Mel, whose book was laying around while I was staying in her room, even though she didn't probably know I read it
The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne

good advice for the young'uns

2007-11-25T20:36:00.001-05:00

My generation of Americans (and those younger than us) are at this unique point in history where we've grown up largely under the assumption that, generally, we have the right (which is actually more of a luxury) to pursue the college degree(s), career(s), and goals we decide are best for us -- and that, in some form, the resources exist somewhere for those things to happen. This is different than my grandparents' generation, and even to some extent my baby-boomer parents. I never heard the struggles about "life purpose" and choosing a career that "fit" them. My grandpa (dad's side) worked in an industrial factory of sorts. The basic idea was that you did work so you could provide for your family. There wasn't all this angst over making the "right" decision, not "wasting time," fear about not being good, etc., that I know I went through (and am still going through) and that many college students go through. Add in trying to "discern God's will for my future" and it gets even more fuzzy at times.

I ran across this video -- I don't even know what the main idea behind the series is, but this particular video caught my eye because these college-age students were interviewing Ira Glass, who hosts This American Life on NPR. While I'm not an avid listener by any means, I do have an appreciation for the quality of the storytelling craft of the show, and I really respect his work.

I found this to be interesting because it shows the typical questions many college students are asking, and how Glass responds -- one of the main things he said was, basically, don't be afraid if you are really horrible at what you're doing for a while, or that you're wasting time, because you'll eventually have a sense if it's what you should be doing or not. I think a lot of us get really hung up on the idea that we'll be bad at what we try, so we don't want to take the risk or try the wrong thing, when really, as Glass points out, we'll probably be bad at it for a while until we get experience behind us.

Anyway, you can watch it for yourself, I thought it had some valuable insights into young adult culture.

roadtrip nation -- Ira Glass interview

turducken -- wiki-style, with a side of mashed potatoes

2007-11-21T04:53:00.000-05:00

I'm celebrating Thanksgiving this year by. . . going to work at 7 am. But then, when I'm done with that, I'm heading over to Joe and Bev's house. Joe and Bev are a fabulous couple from my church who have invited me over to join their family for Thanksgiving dinner. They also have invited my roommate and I over for dinner once a week ever since I moved here (in exchange, I am their "coffee dealer," as well as spitting in Joe's morning Starbucks brewed coffee whenever I happen to be working mornings as part of his vip customer status).

Apparently we are having something called "turducken" for dinner -- it is a turkey, stuffed with a duck, and then stuffed with a chicken inside of the duck, with layers of stuffing in between each meat.

I decided to hop on over to Wikipedia for more info on the subject, and also since my roommate's gone and I'm really, really bored.

"Turducken -- Wikipedia"

The article also mentions other offshoots of the dish, many I wouldn't know how to begin to pronounce (turgooponducheasanishuail? bustergophechiduckneaealcockidgeoverwingailusharkoolanbler????). And let's not forget whole stuffed camel, sure to be a hit at your next Christmas office party.

But my heartiest congratulations (and laughter) go out to Peter "Pookie" Thornhill, who invented the "turdbutt" -- a pork shoulder (aka a Boston butt), inside a duck, inside a turkey. Oh, to leave such a legacy for my own children.

On a sidenote, also mentioned in the Wiki article was this clip from the Daily Show describing Turduqen, a delicious new solution to the current tensions between Turkey and Iraq.

a semi-pleasant surprise

2007-11-18T23:53:00.000-05:00

More Campaignicity -- Huckabee: God wants us to fight global warming

This Salon.com article was a bit of a refreshing take on environmentalism from presidential candidate Mike Huckabee. Unfortunately as it points out, Huckabee is "light on specifics," and it is hard to see how, realistically, energy companies (and the general public) will somehow straighten up their collective attitudes toward oil dependence and consumerism without some sort of specific regulations -- although I do also appreciate the need to avoid hyper-regulation of private citizens, our track record as a country isn't showing itself to be too hot in the personal responsibility category, especially in the area of the environment. One other major flaw in Huckabee's stance is his support of corn-based fuels. Although he does agree that there should be some transition away to other biomass-based fuels, he still sees the need for corn to play a part in future fuel development. However, from what I've read and heard so far, corn-based ethanol is not really worth the effort as far as reducing emissions due to its production processes, and the use of corn for fuel could inflate corn prices (and may be starting to already). That may be good for US farmers, as Huckabee mentions, but it could be devastating for food needs in third-world countries, many of which have corn as as a staple crop. Check out Study Says Ethanol Pollution Could Rival Gas and Would More Biofuel Use Threaten Food Supplies? from NPR.

More than anything, however, I do appreciate that Huckabee's willing to stand on our responsibility as Christians to care for the environment. I'm not totally up on how other candidates are posing this value, so this is not some sort of post casting support on a particular campaign. I am still undecided, friends, and really, I'm not thinking at the moment that ultimately Huckabee's going to make the nomination phase, out of pure speculation.

Just something that got me thinking today, and thought I'd share.

Happy Belated Blogiversary

2007-11-13T03:25:00.000-05:00

Dear Bloggie,

Hey friend! I noticed tonight that, as of last month, we have now been together for over two years. Happy Belated Blogiversary! And you thought I'd forgotten. . . .

Blog, you've stood by me through all the ups and downs of life, patiently listening, drafting, and posting without judgment, always willing to lend a binary hand. From the first post, when I had no "clue where I'll be in 6 months or what I'll be doing," to the present, still not having much of a clue what the future holds, you've remained constant, unshakeable.

Oh, if these links could talk. We've had some good times together, you and I, and we've weathered the storm well. Remember back when Blogger joined forces with Google and we had to re-group? Whew, that was a close one. And that time when I decided to update your template? You bore the changes beautifully, without complaint.

But I digress. Here's to you, Blog, and to a beautifully written, well-trafficked future.

And Now for Something Completely Unimportant

2007-11-12T02:42:00.000-05:00

Pressure Mounts to Restart Writers Talks -- article about the Writers Guild of America strikes in Hollywood

While the jovial picture in this article may say otherwise, apparently Governor Schwarzenegger loves his David Letterman, and he's not going to take it anymore. LA's mayor, who has a long name that is hard to spell, is also fed up with the looming end to new epsodes of The Office, and has jumped into the mix of those who really want TV to go back to normal and are pressuring both the writers and the producers to reach a quick settlement.

This past Friday was the harrowing five-day mark of the strike. The scene of picket lines in Hollywood paints a pitiful picture of writers languishing on the warm, sunny, low-humidity streets, eating nothing but free muffins and donuts handed out by Jay Leno and other celebrities, and being forced to enjoy live entertainment from artists such as Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine. Cries of "At Least My Tivo Gets Me!" could be heard ringing through the streets. There is no doubt that the life of a striking writer is anything but glamorous.

In a sense, there may be a a positive side to all of this -- the strikes could be a new venue for illegal immigrants, who aren't afraid to fill the high-paying, publicly visible, backbone-of-society jobs others in Hollywood are unwilling to cross picket lines to fill. So if you habla the espanol, these next few months are the perfect time to catch the new shows that are sure to roll out once this new crop of writers finds its voice. Or rather, its pen.

However, some alarmists are beginning to wonder if this may be another subversive Al-Qaeda attack, noting that the strike has garnered at least equal or better airtime with coverage on important foreign issues, including the war in Iraq. It is rumored that this may be a contrived distraction, or even a subltle yet powerful act of terrorism, in hopes that America, once deprived completely of its primetime and late night television, will be forced into a desperate bargaining position. Analysts note that, while perhaps farfetched, this theory is gaining steam with those groups of people who like to blame everything bad that happens on terrorism and/or anyone who is not an American.

I would tell you that I will keep you posted on any updates to the situation, however, due to the lack of the sheer magnitude of the issue's importance, this will be my first and final commentary on the matter. You may now thank me profusely.

[Update 11/18/2007: I need to say -- I think I was a bit too harsh on the WGA members who are striking. In the interest of fairness and justice, I think they are striking for valid reasons, and I know writing overall is often not the most lucrative career. Plus, it's unfair to enjoy watching shows that are good because they are written well, and at the same time implicitly criticize them for pursuing a fair share of the profits made off of them. Most likely none of them will read this anyway, but it needed to be said. Plus, I need to cover my butt in case I ever decide to take writing seriously. But mostly, because it's the right thing to do. Now, in the whole scheme of things, it's still not the most important thing going on in the world, and I think it's received a bit too much coverage in the news, but still.]

International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church

2007-11-11T14:20:00.000-05:00

Today marks the International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church. Each year, an estimated 160,000 Christians worldwide are killed because they follow Jesus -- that's about one person every three minutes. My church is hosting a special prayer service tonight at 5:30 pm at Freestone Park if anyone is in the Gilbert, AZ area. If you're not participating in a special group time of prayer, or don't really know much about persecuted Christians, take some time today to find out more about the stories of the Christians who don't enjoy the same freedom we have here in the United States. Here are some websites to get you started:

Voice of the Martyrs
Gospel for Asia
International Christian Concern
Open Doors USA

an illustrious day in the life

2007-11-10T04:19:00.000-05:00

Or, Good Reasons Why I Don't Keep a Meticulous Journal

Saturday, November 10, 2007

10:00 am – wake up to alarm clock; realize it is Saturday and decide to go back to sleep
11:15 am – wake up to internal clock; realize it is still Saturday and decide to take time waking up
11:42 am – decide to roll out of bed, finally
12:30 pm – wake up enough to make a bowl of instant oatmeal
12:35 pm – sit down to computer to work on powerpoint for church
1:08 pm – turn on NPR to list en to “Whady’a Know?”
1:33 pm – decide I can’t think in two different modes at once and turn off radio
2:45 pm – still working on powerpoint
3:56 pm – seriously, why is this taking so long?
4:27 pm – it's not like this is rocket science
5:02 pm – finally finish powerpoint
5:07 pm – reheat leftover pasta dish; make self delicious smoothie using available items of frozen banana, strawberry yogurt, and Wal-Mart brand coffee creamer
5:09 pm – realize A Prairie Home Companion is on; turn on radio to listen
5:49 pm – turn radio off due to excessive country music content since show is almost over anyway
6:18 pm – try to email powerpoint to Nicole to review – unsuccessfully
6:23 pm – try again to email powerpoint
6:28 pm – dude, what is wrong with Hotmail?
6:35 – decide to switch to gmail soon and give up on emailing powerpoint; send token email to Nicole to explain why Hotmail is a jerk
6:45 – read Bible; decide to “be strong and courageous” and “wait on the Lord”
6:52 pm – decide to move to room to finish reading and so that roommate will not find me when she gets home – no way she will ever look in my room!
7:37 – roommate finds me! shoot
7:44pm – roommate emails Powerpoint successfully to tech guy at church – see, I told you, Gmail is way better
7:48 pm – get ready to go to work
8:14 pm – head to work
8:22 pm – arrive at work; hang out in back room
8:30pm – 12:26 am – various barista-esqe tasks, including, but not limited to, taking drive-thru orders, learning exciting tasks such as washing dishes and cleaning equipment apart, making witty repartee with fellow baristas, reminding myself not to touch my face while I’m working, and deciding which expired goods to take home with me for the night.
12:28 am – Oh, yeah, and making drinks
12:29 am – drive home; turn radio WAY UP for 6 minute drive home
12:35 am – arrive at domicile
12:48 am – discover internet is not working – bummer
12:54 am – mend piece of clothing to wear at church
1:02 am – decide I am too awake to go to sleep yet; decide to sit down and write about random items for a bit
1:07 am – find old Chagall Guevara mp3’s and start listening
1:45 am – take off headphones and wonder what that loud high-pitched sound was . . .
1:48 am – hiccup, and realize previous troubling sound was self hiccupping unawares
1:51 am – decide this is funny enough to build entire blog post around; start writing
2:12 am – decide I am going to be really tired tomorrow morning at church if I do not go to bed
2:13 am – remember I was going to use this time to work on flyer for tomorrow night. . . oops
2:14 am – decide I still need to go to bed
2:18 am – ok, seriously, I am going to bed now
2:19 am -- *click*

Too Little, Too Late

2007-11-08T02:18:00.000-05:00

APU Backs Stephen Colbert's (now defunct) Campaign for the Presidency . . . sort of

In my literary internet ramblings recently I happened to stumble across this article from the LA Times about Stephen Colbert running for president in South Carolina. I was surprised, to say the least, to see the ad off to the right of the page -- look closely at this screenshot I took (if you follow the link directly to the article, the title of the article has been updated since I read it, but the articles are the same).
Do you see it? That's right -- our own Free Methodist Azusa Pacific University. If I didn't know it was probably just a coincidence in advertising, I'd say it was a clear challenge to our other FM institutions -- get with the times, kids. There is no bad publicity! Unfortunately, it was too little, too late for Colbert, who, despite the numerous prayers of hundreds of APU students, was denied a spot on the South Carolina ballot by the state's Democratic party, crushing the only chance during this campaign year for having debates actually worth watching.

This recent discovery reminded me of a time a few months back when I was watching a rerun of House on the USA network, and a commercial break told me that this particular rebroadcasting of House had been made possible by the United Methodist Church (I am not joking about this one). Apparently God is a big Hugh Laurie fan.

Clearly, this is a bandwagon the church needs to hop onto! Pretty soon, denominations across the US could be sponsoring Super Bowl ads, private spacecraft, and reruns of all kinds.

Jesus, who was too busy weeping over the pervasive consumerism plaguing Christianity, was not available to comment.

What it is Like in Arizona

2007-11-08T02:01:00.000-05:00

Many people ask me about What it is Like in Arizona. I thought I would take a moment to attempt to answer this oft-posed and weighty question.

Arizona is a faraway, magical land. It is everything you hoped for, but never imagined possible. It is a veritable haven for all who traverse its shores. It is, in fact, all that and a bag of tortilla chips.

OK, while it may not be quite as nice a piece of hyperbole as all that, it is, as many have surmised, different. However, let's not focus on our differences here, people. Deep down, all the states are really just pieces of tectonic plate trying to make it through the geological eras, after all.

And really, Arizona is not as strange as people think. It's quite a bit like Michigan, really, only without the massive bodies of water, forests, abundant rainfall, the UP, distinct seasons, Ann Arbor, Euchre, high unemployment, snow, humidity, Mackinac Island, or car industry. So really, living in Arizona is almost just like being home, only not.

There are a few differences, though, I suppose. They go to school year round in my area, for one thing. There are palm trees growing here, although they aren't native and most likely were dropped by migrating swallows. Or migrating celebrities, I can't remember which. Personally, it feels a bit like Florida, since that's the only place I've seen palm trees before. However, although this can be disorienting, I am quickly reminded by the lack of oceans that I am not, in fact, in Florida.

Also, the Phoenix area is a lot bigger than Jackson. Who knew?

Another thing I have noticed is that here at the apartment we are (I imagine) paying pretty good money to live on what they like to call here, "a lake," which is most definitely not "a lake" and more like an "oversized concrete pond filled with reclaimed water, whatever reclaimed water is," something you aren't even allowed to swim in. I mean, in Michigan, shoot, we swim in almost anything -- lakes, ponds, ditches, oversized mud puddles, you name it. Now, I don't fault my roommate's choice of apartment, since she's from central Ohio and doesn't know better about what real lakes are, but I'm not fooled, and it sickens me that the city of Gilbert continues with the public deception of those who live on the Val Vista "Lakes" system. More like "flakes," fake lakes, I say angrily to myself in my head whenever I lazily enjoy the serenity of one of these faux water attractions.

Hrm, what was I talking about? Oh yes, What it is Like in Arizona. Well, nothing else really stands out too much. I do enjoy the mountains on all sides, low humidity, sunshine, diversity, and well-planned streets, but those things are hardly worth mentioning and come with the territory. Other than that, there are people who live here, kids who attend school, retirees who drive slowly, fish who swim, and birds who fly.

That's What it is Like in Arizona.

Haiku

2007-11-08T01:59:00.000-05:00

Um, what is that smell
Rising from the kitchen sink?
Salmonella stench.

The Unemployment Times

2007-11-08T01:58:00.000-05:00

This just in -- Watching old videos of The Colbert Report online 8 hours a day is not actually considered a "real job." Unpaid cell phone bill to follow.

Then, we'll talk with my roommate Rebecca, who knows how to ask the tough questions, such as, "When are you going to get up off that loveseat?"

Also, we profile Nicole, a bright young twenty-something who is the last of a dying breed of native Arizonans.

After that, we'll show you an exclusive exposé on why I'm quite happy here on the loveseat, thanks, and what about all those times you play your piano alone in the dark while quietly humming to yourself, anyway?

And keep checking back for our "Special Edition," where we discuss which of the presidential candidates' names are the most fun to pronounce, and what impact this may have on their chances at the polls.

But first, I cringe as you decide it's time to read something that's actually funny.

Note: I wrote this before I got a job. Just so we're clear, friends. Now I only watch videos online four hours a day.

Part III: You Say , 'Tempuh', I say, 'Figure out How To Say Tempe'

2007-11-03T05:18:00.000-04:00

October 19, 2007

After the t-shirt guys, the crowd was ready. Ready for Obama. Unfortunately, I did not realize that there are "opening acts."

Come on, woman who looks like my friend Thad's aunt Nell in a red church-lady suit. You claimed we had three great universities in our state, and then only named two! (Note to self and other potential candidates: do not talk about other universities than the one you are speaking at, especially at state schools with football teams. Duh.)

Then there was the MC-lady, whose name I am also not sure of. This listening and copious note-taking thingy is hard.

We also had Liz, the Undergraduate Student Body President, who said something that was supposed to be a cheer, but apparently no one really knew what she said, and still may not. When asked if we could repeat the cheer with her, we enthusiastically responded, "No," and then she said whatever it was again. But it was OK, because we still clapped for her. You go, girl!

After her was Ed Ableser, the State Representative for Arizona District 17. Finally, we were moving up in the power ladder! Ed talked about a lot of things, and then mentioned that we need a president for "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, not torture, wiretapping, and the pursuit of war."

Then there was another State Rep, David Schapira (I think, I had to Google the district and that was the closest name to what I thought he said). He said something about "truisms," at which point I spaced out a little and wondered if that meant they were actual truth, or related to "truthiness"(also here), or what. Then I was back, and the was on to talking about his kids, and how he will tell them after Barack Obama is elected, "I was honored to live in the time of Barack Obama." Wait, I thought elections are next year -- don't we still get a chance to vote! What's the deal here? Am I not a desired voter???

At that point, David had said that Barack was coming out. Yay! And then someone else came out, oops. Tomas Chavez, who was a veteran and had been in Iraq for two years. He said that the first year, he had been wholeheartedly in agreement with the war and being there. By the second year, he found it hard to return, but "did it for the guys who were over there, " and is now committed to bringing them home. Hmmmmm.

FINally, and I do mean finally, Barack Obama came out on stage! The man of the hour (add more time if you are a RAPID ENTRY PASS holder). The crowd cheered! The crowd was on their feet (which, most of us were already forced to stand anyway)!

Barack greeted the crowd. "Hellooo, Tempuh."

Wait, what? Oh my word. No, he did not.

Pet peeve alert! Not saying a locality's name correctly in front of a large crowd of people from that locality is sort of a glaring mistake. Almost as bad as talking about a rival state school from another town, see note above.

Fortunately, things went a little more smoothly after that point. Obama is definitely a charismatic communicator, and the speech held the crowd's attention pretty well. A major part of his platform, which I'd read about in other places, is that of unity and working across party lines. He made a major point of not just being against issues, but standing for something.

He talked about many issues -- Iraq, paying for college, Katrina, energy, healthcare, etc. The East Valley Tribune wrote a pretty good recap here, so I will spare you from re-hashing all of the details. One item I picked up on caught me, since it is something I have some pretty strong opinions about. He mentioned the death penalty, and that he had worked to make sure innocent people were not on death row. I noticed the subtle point he made -- not that he is against the death penalty, he just wants to make sure the innocent aren't killed wrongfully. That fascinates me -- it's not something I've researched yet with the other candidates, but I generally get the idea that a more liberal stance would be against the death penalty (which always confuses me that you can be in favor of individuals choosing to have abortions but against state & legislative bodies choosing to kill criminals -- am I the only one who thinks that doesn't totally make sense?).

Overall, it was a good speech, full of hopeful ideals. Much of it was not new to me, as I'd read a good amount of it online before I went. I did appreciate the idea of unity and bi-partisan politics -- whether that is ever going to be close to being a reality (or even an issue, depending on which party ends up controlling Congress next year) in a time where it may be directed at parties who don't really care about being united, thank you very much. It also makes sense why so many younger voters are supporting him --I think my generation is pretty sick of petty, divisive politics in general, and how Congress somehow isn't really getting much done besides throwing each other out of office, investigating mounds upon mounds of bad decisions that have been made by various agencies/offices, and driving the country further and further into debt. At least the idea of someone aware enough to at least try to do that is better than what we have at the moment, we think.

Obama also talked about a lot of things that could, done well, be pretty good -- providing health care to every American (at the level that Congress receives, no less); "closing the achievement gap" in education; bettering foreign diplomacy by meeting not just with friends, but enemies as well; changing energy standards; and making student grants and loans more available for college. Good things. What he didn't say was how any of these things would come into place (or how they would be paid for). Seriously, the focus health care has been in the works at least since Clinton, and obviously the SCHIP votes recently have shown us how much progress has yet to be made -- we can't resolve issues on a program already in place, much less realistically think any form of universal health care program is going to come in the next 4 years.

At any rate, I will keep watching to see what Obama does, along with the other candidates. At the moment, I still remain healthily undecided -- I have to say that he did resonate with me on some issues, but I am still remaining skeptical until some concrete action points come into discussion from the ideals and policies on which he and other candidates are running.

So, I guess this means I'm packing away my new t-shirt . . . for now.

B.O. and the Campaign Trail: Part II

2007-11-03T04:06:00.000-04:00

October 19, 2007

Part II: Who Wants a Free T-Shirt?

It was finally THE morning!! My alarm clock rang, and I shut it off. Just 15 more minutes. . .

My internal time-clock went off. Whoa! I am not leaving two hours early as I intended! I rushed out the door, clutching my RAPID ENTRY PASS and my map, my notebook (so that I could take copious, responsible voter-type notes), and my camera (so I could take pictures to "put on my blog," i.e. sell online).

I arrived on campus just in time--visitor parking was full, and what I assumed to be the RAPID ENTRY PASS line was a million miles long. No matter! I am an important voter! I told myself, and found a parking spot in front of a nice house a few blocks away, purposefully avoiding reading the words on an official-looking sign stuck in the ground a few feet away from my car. I marched towards campus, on a mission for the truth from Barack Obama. Or at least, for the strategized, carefully crafted declarations of intention from Barack Obama's campaign team.

Have I mentioned my outfit? I can tell that I haven't, since you are still reading this.
Being new to the "campaign trail," I figured that, when in doubt, it is usually smart to blend in with the crowd. What would a college-aged Democrat wear to show her appreciation of "like, the most totally amazing presidential candidate ever"? The idea came in a flash -- I would make a t-shirt! It was cheap, environmentally sound (recycling clothes), and would make a statement, but without blowing my "undecided" status to crazed campaign volunteers that might be hanging about, waiting to pounce.

The next decision -- what would I write on it? I thought long and hard about this one. It was not easy -- "Obama '08" has been overdone, and there were plenty of those shirts hanging around. "Barack U Rock" was catchy, but a little too Dr. Seussical. Finally, I arrived at the perfect design, and brushed out large letters in bright blue fabric paint:

B.O.

It was beautiful -- like an e e cummings poem, brief but descriptive; simple, yet profound. Just to make sure people did not miss the message, I painted it on both sides of the shirt.

Getting back to the rally . . . I walked up and joined the line of RAPID ENTRY PASS holders, noticing that there seemed to be many more people at the event than I anticipated. Ergo, the RAPID ENTRY PASS line was more like a SLOW LINE OF PEOPLE WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE ABLE TO SEE THE STAGE ONCE THEY ARE ALLOWED TO STAND ON THE GRASS JUST INSIDE THE GATE, WHICH, SERIOUSLY, DOES IT EVEN MATTER AT THIS POINT? I also noticed, that, despite this, many people in line around me were unfazed, and seemed to be joyful, almost laughing, you could say, as they nudged their friends and pointed at my beautiful t-shirt in admiration. "Yes! I am happy to be here, too! What a great day to be a Dem-O-Crat! B.O. For Pres! Whooo!" It worked!! They were convinced that I was "one of them" and I passed safely through the crowd and Obama volunteers, who I could have sworn parted just a little to allow me to walk through.

Finally, I handed in my RAPID ENTRY PASS at the gate. I was in! The seats were all full, but no matter, I took my spot in the crowd, just left of the press stage, just barely able to see the microphone once in a while, whenever a) the press decided they could return to the spacious press stage area and NOT stand in our only line of sight, or b) the tall guy in the white dress shirt at the front of our group decided he needed to shift his weight.

And then we waited. Curiosity got the better of me, and I struck up a brief conversation with Jeremy and Laura, who were standing immediately in front of me, but not in a way that my view was obstructed. I could tell already that these were savvy students! I asked them a few questions, and they gave me permission to post their answers and their picture on my blog, even after I explained that nobody would read it anyway. They both are ASU Tempe students. Jeremy is a Sophomore kinesiology major, originally from Michigan, and Laura is a Junior social work major, originally from New Jersey.

LD: So, why are you here today? Are you supporters? Just curious?
J: I'm a supporter of Barack Obama, I have been for a while. Unless Al Gore decides to run.
L: I just want to be more informed, and be current on the campaign.

LD: Are either of you affiliated with a political party?
J: Yes, Democrat.
L: (nods) Democrat.

LD: And Laura, what about you? Are you supporting a particular candidate?
L: I'm undecided.

LD: Are there any particular issues that stick out?
L: There are lots of issues that are important to me-- the war in Iraq, healthcare, the environment.

LD: For you, Jeremy, was there a particular issue that made you decide to support Obama?
J: For me, the main issue has been foreign policy.

At that point, the crowd started clapping, and we turned our attention to the stage. Two men were on the stage, one holding a "WHO WANTS A FREE T-SHIRT?" poster, and the other with the free shirts. I thought that this was a bit obvious -- of course we want free t-shirts, we are either in college or paying for college loans. Besides, I didn't need their t-shirts -- mine was waay better than theirs.

B.O. and the Campaign Trail: Part I

2007-10-29T05:57:00.000-04:00

Friday, October 19, 2007

(No, it's not the name of an upcoming CNN special. But it could be. . . . I'm looking at you, Anderson Cooper! *wink*)

I'm still sort of new to this whole "politics" arena (I don't really count all the episodes of Crossfire, Meet the Press, The McLaughlin Group, or David Brinkley I watched with my parents growing up, I was just doing it for "kid points"). I mean, it is rough being unemployed--you really have to be choosy about your news sources. The novice wanting to become "an informed voter" can easily get sucked into reading hours upon hours of The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Onion, and quickly slip into catatonic media overload once she realizes there's a whole other world out there of NPR news shows, pundits (or as I call them, "Those loud annoying men I wouldn't watch even if I had cable!"), and political bloggsters.
Personally, I choose to eschew all those methods (well, maybe I do occasionally glance at The Onion) and head straight over to the news I trust the most to report in easy-to-chew, artificially flavored pieces -- The Daily Show and The Colbert Report.

STEVEN!! OMG UR RUnING FOR PRE$IDENT!! I M UR BIGGEST FAN!! U ROCK!! I M ONLY 15 BUT I WILL KEEP PLAYNG EMO MuZIK IN MY ROOM UNTIL MY PARENTZ MOVE TO SC & VOTE FOR U!!!!!!!!!!!!! COLBERT FOR PREZ!!!!!!!!

[Ummm. . . please help. I think rabid teenagers have hacked my blog. You kids stay on your own site! ]

But I digress. In an effort to become more "enlightened" about the candidates for the presidential election, and to become more responsible as a citizen, I've started to read up a bit on the presidential candidates. I consider myself to be an "independent," meaning I really have yet to wholeheartedly resonate with any of the 6 (10? 14?) political parties' platforms, and also meaning I have no clue who I am going to vote for when Arizona gets around to holding elections (and, consequently, after I get around to things like getting an AZ drivers' license, registering to vote, etc.). Apparently I'm "one of those" voters from whom the candidates are trying to get major support. How flattering! I did not realize I was so important! I am prepared to receive my free t-shirts, bumper stickers, Bahamas vacations, and campaign mugs, lady and gentlemen.

Plus, since I'm unemployed right now, I actually have time to hunt through the candidates' websites, catch the headlines on iGoogle, watch the candidates empty their pockets on TV on the internet, all those important things. Which was why I was delighted (OK, mildly curious) when I was job searching on Arizona State University's website and noticed that Barack Obama was scheduled to make an appearance on campus this week.

I quickly opened my calendar, slammed it shut once I realized that hey, I have no job, and RSVP'd for the event online, which, as "they" seemed to imply, was important.

***NOTE: THIS IS YOUR RAPID ENTRY PASS FOR THIS EVENT.
PLEASE PRINT AND BRING WITH YOU, OR YOU WILL BE ASKED TO
FILL OUT A SUPPORTER CARD.***

***For security reasons, please do not bring bags.  No signs
or banners allowed.***

Oh no! I thought. Anything but a supporter card! I diligently printed my RAPID ENTRY PASS, along with a campus map, and waited for "the big day". I would be ready, I vowed.

the last post about my trip (seriously)

2007-10-29T05:04:00.000-04:00

Well, people have asked me a lot of the same questions about my trip, over and over, so here are a few of the answers to those questions.

A: Yes.

A: No, it wasn't as bad as I imagined, although sleeping became sort of a problem.

A: I listened to audiobooks. Also, the sound of one hand clapping. But mostly audiobooks.

A: No, I wouldn't recommend it, but it was a relief to stop seeing signs every 50 feet along I-90.

A: Ummm, sort of? I'm not sure what you were asking.

A: Well, between the coyotes and the kitten crawling on the outside of my tent, how do you think it was?

A: It made me feel like a half-pint again.

A: Beautiful! I loved all the colors!

A: My biggest question is, why we don't start carving more dead people's faces into mountains? Also, were boogers carved into their noses for authenticity, and is there a secret passageway to those as well?

A: I don't remember -- it was dark, and all I wanted to do was get to the next rest area.

A: The new Norah Jones album, a $5 Johnny Cash CD, Plans by Death Cab for Cutie, and Queen's Greatest Hits.

A: You know, really, there were quite a few times when I wondered if I was actually moving forward, or if I would suddenly start careening backwards down the mountains. And then I realized I was still in fifth gear. . . whew, that was close.

A: I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I really am thinking you have confused me with someone else.

A: Nope, definitely would not stay there again. I think it was the fish smell that got me.

A: Honestly, it was sort of cool in a retro sandstone-chic way. Possibly the most bizarre (and costly) 15 minutes of my life so far.

A: It was sunset, and it was beautiful. Except for the part where I had sand in every possible crevice of my body.

A: I don't really remember the last few hours -- I had switched over to autopilot by then and let Frank bring 'er home.

A: Seriously, the man believed that SAU actually had a football team, and congratulated me on our undefeated streak. I hated to break the news to him.

Well, I hope that's covered everything. For more about my trip, click on the pretty little pictures somewhere off to the right.

To Wisconsin. . . and beyond!

2007-10-22T01:56:00.000-04:00

Note -- More pics are up!

Well, after much threatening, I left Michigan. I went through da UP, dontcha know, which is a beautiful drive. I had to stop and get a picture of the Mackinac Bridge for the last time (at least for a while), as well as the site of the 45th parallel in Wisconsin.

I camped overnight in Manistique , Michigan. I realized this night one important thing: my imagination runs way too freely when I've been alone in a car with myself all day. I camped at a hotel/campground right by the lake (which, I'm pretty sure, had more customers for camping than for the hotel--you know it's a sketchy establishment when you go in to pay for your site, and the girl at the desk, who also happens to be running the restaurant, pulls a huge wad of bills out of her pocket, out of which she gives you your change). I had a new tent, so it took me a while to get set up, but finally I had dinner, and I laid down to go to sleep after reading for a bit. About half an hour later, I started smelling skunk pretty strongly. I started imagining different scenarios about what would happen if I inadvertently made a startling sound while I was asleep (answer: the skunk would spray the tent/my car/me, and I would be totally screwed, because who's going to let you wash off with tomato juice in their hotel? Plus, I wouldn't want to drive my car anymore because I would have to at least drive myself to the store to buy the tomato juice, thus "infecting" the car with skunkiness, etc. . . . ). The smell mostly went away, but it was still around, and I was wide awake. Then I noticed what I imagined to be the sound of animal-like sniffing outside my tent -- it was the skunk! It had decided to sleep by MY tent! What was I going to do?????

Well, I didn't have much of a choice -- I stayed awake all night. I had no good way of verifying my theories -- if they were true, and I tried to check outside my tent, there would be problems. I tried to go to sleep, but I was too afraid something would happen.

You might think I am kidding, but I tell you, I am not. I am truly neurotic, apparently, when left to my own devices. And this was only the first night of my journey!

Hence the pictures on the lake -- this was the next morning, when I decided to brave getting out of my tent -- slooooowly -- and looked around, and realized that the sound was the sound of the rain fly line rubbing on the outside of the tent (it was a new tent and I wasn't used to it yet).

Also noticed when I went to the lake to watch the sunrise -- a big, dead skunk on the road right in front of the campground, well within whiffing distance. So, either there had been a skunk in the campground, and he had met his doom (hah!), or, the smell had been the wind carrying the stench my way. At least there had actually been a skunk around -- I was only 98% neurotic.

I returned from watching the sun rise (hint: I took a lot of pictures of that -- you don't have to look at all of them) and sheepishly packed up. Thankfully, with a few nap stops, I made it to my grandparents' house safely. I stayed about four days with them, enjoying, among other things, various cheeses, my grandpa's stories about days back when everything was farmland, and sleeping inside a house, safely away from the reach of wayward skunks.

My parents ended up coming out a couple of days behind me, which was good, as far as more time spent together, but also made saying goodbye a little harder -- more people to avoid making eye contact with right before I headed out the door, once again trying not to cry long enough to gas my car up.

new pictures

2007-10-14T02:18:00.000-04:00

You can (finally) start checking out pics from my trip on Flickr.
Click here to see the beautiful pictures my new camera took -- a big thanks to the staff at SAFMC for giving me the camera as my going-away gift, and another big thanks to Sam for gifting me a Flickr Pro account -- without which I would not be able to post all my pictures at once.
You can also get to my Flickr page by clicking the picture badge that shows up approximately down and right from here on this page.

adventures continued

2007-10-13T06:29:00.000-04:00

I spent about a week at home with my parents. Some of it was spent re-sorting, re-packing, and re-wondering why in the world I had so much junk. Much of it was just being with my parents, doing the normal family things we do, which was wonderful. It was also great to see my Grandma Jeanette and Grandpa Jim -- family friends who live by my parents, who actually used to go to Arizona almost yearly, staying in the exact same part of Phoenix where I now live. And I continued to take in the scenery -- last looks at the wide, flat farmlands, the sunsets, Lake Huron, the house blessedly out in the middle of nowhere that Grandma Jeanette & Grandpa Jim live in, and that I remember so well from childhood. I wondered if I would ever return to it since they are trying to sell it and move into an apartment.
I (finally) finished packing my Jetta, and then another departure came, this time just a temporary parting from my parents, since they would be coming out a few days later to my (biological) grandparents' house in Wisconsin, the first stop on my "adventure." However, this one brought tears, too, which I didn't expect, since I haven't really lived in my parents' house since they moved there -- they moved while I was in college, and I spent the summers every year afterward on campus, and then was living in Jackson by the time I graduated, so it was more of "home because Mom and Dad live there," not because it was somewhere I was familiar with, somewhere that I had a history. The concept of home is something I've been thinking about over the past few months, as it has necessarily evolved into something new, something I haven't yet settled on in my own mind, as I've moved from house to house and state to state. I think at this point, my tears mourned leaving the last piece of "home" I had, what that meant, and the reality that I no longer would live close enough to drive home on the weekends.

elle dee's adventures -- leaving jackson

2007-10-06T01:24:00.000-04:00

The next few posts will be a recap of my journey from Jackson to Phoenix -- for all of you who have been wondering, "Where is she? Will I ever hear from her again?" I am actually now safely in Phoenix and getting settled, thanks for wondering, here's the story, and be sure to check out the pictures as they're posted.

It seemed like I was never going to leave -- I had tried all week to get things tied up at the church, and still had some loose ends to finish up, including getting the rest of what I needed out of my old office. Plus, I still hadn't packed my car up by the time I got to Tuesday, the weekend had been a whirlwind -- my going away party, my last Sunday at church, moving freshman in at SAU (note to self -- had a good time, but do not sign up for things like that when you're moving the next day)-- it was all this huge, surreal blur.
But, leave I did, after a long weekend of goodbyes. I somehow managed to cram every nook and cranny of my Jetta full of stuff that "just had to go" at least home to my parents' house, with a substantial pile of things that my friend with whom I'd been staying agreed to take to Goodwill (thankfully). And, appropriately, it was both dark and rainy once I set out. I tried to at least not cry while I was ordering Taco Bell to go, which I barely managed to do, and then as I cruised up 127 I couldn't help it anymore. At a certain point, I couldn't tell if I was having a hard time seeing the road because it was raining so hard, or because I was crying, or both. Then, I sort of started laughing at myself -- I had put in a Queen's Greatest Hits CD that Sam had sent along with me, hoping it would sort of distract me a bit from all the emotions going through my heart -- and here I was, crying, with Queen in the background, two totally different things going on at once, and it was just funny once I realized it.

Leaving is hard, my friends. I think I probably looked like I was taking it all in stride, but I think that was really due to the fact that I was living in a certain degree of denial, and the drive to my parents' was the first piece of reality hitting.

goings, comings, and . . . . goings. . .

2007-07-30T19:43:00.000-04:00

Well my friends. It's been quite the month since I was in New Mexico . . . and lots to tell.
First of all, let me say that my time out in New Mexico with Amanda was beyond amazing. I don't think I've spent a vacation in the US in which I've been exposed to (and overwhelmed by) so much beauty in such a short amount of time. I've seen Albuquerque & Santa Fe before, and the mountains and volcanoes in the area, but it had been a few years. Plus, we took this amazing camping trip where we drove to Mesa Verde in Colorado, camped there, took a tour of ancient Pueblo ruins, and took in the views from the mesa. Then the day after we arrived we took another tour first thing, drove to the Four Corners (& took pictures), then drove to Monument Valley in Utah (and took more pictures), and then made it to the Arches by sunset (and took MORE pictures), then drove back to Mesa Verde at night. By the time we left to go back to Albuquerque (which was another crazy/beautiful drive, we went on this dirt road that was supposedly a marked highway), we ended up driving 1300 miles in 3 1/2 days (good thing we had a rental).

Back at the ranch, I was able to do some other things, such as go back to Santa Fe and see the Loretto Chapel (which has this "miraculous staircase" in it, which gave me goosebumps when I walked into the chapel). I also took the Sandia Peak tram, the longest continuous tram in the world, up into the Sandia mountains in Albuquerque, and took a hike along the top of the mountain -- so beautiful! I checked out the volcanoes, and also looked at some petroglyphs. We did some other things in town, too, but those were the highlights. Other than almost not making it home (my flight got cancelled twice, and I ended up staying an extra three days), it was an amazing trip. I'll post pics soon on here & on Flickr and Facebook.

While I was on this trip, an idea kept tugging at my mind. My friend Rebecca had just taken a job out in Phoenix at a church plant, which just happened to be with the same pastor we'd stayed with back a few years ago on our CAV missions trip to Mexico. When I'd talked to her and she described the church, and that all just sort of started percolating in my head as I would think about plans for the fall (of which I had very few ideas about). So of course when I was on vacation, and in the beautiful Southwest, and just relaxing, I thought, "Sure, that would be awesome to move to Arizona!" But, I also realized it was easy to think that on vacation, so when I got back, I kept praying about it more, talked to Rebecca about the idea of living with her out there, talked with Pastor Glenn, talked with some friends, and it seemed like there was just no major reason I shouldn't go. Most likely, I would be moving somewhere anyway, as I need to find a full time job this fall to save up for seminary. Last week, I made the final decision to go, and now things have been this whirlwind of activity, planning, moving out of my apartment this week (to save on rent, some kind people responded to an email I sent out asking for places to stay until I move out of state), becoming a nomad, trying to spend as much time with the friends I love before I leave. It's also sort of a shock to suddenly actually have plans, a defined direction, and especially when it involves moving away from the place you've lived the longest out of your whole life.

So that's the scoop on where I'm at. I feel at peace, and I believe this is the direction I need to head for this next year. So pray for transition time, and for a job to open up out in Phoenix that will let me start in September when my commitment here at SAFMC is up. And pray for my heart to be prepared and open to God's instruction and comfort during this time.

no, it is not next to Mexico. . .

2007-06-20T12:55:00.000-04:00

A lot has happened in the past month or so. . . most notably, my dad had another heart attack in May, this time one of the stents they put in when he had one in Feb. re-narrowed. This turned into another two-week home stay, two hospital visits, and finally one healthier father. I'm truly thankful for friends, family, and co-workers who supported us and cared for us during that time.

I'm sure other things have happened since then, that's just the big thing that sticks out in my mind. Unfortunately, I think I just stayed in survival mode after I came home, which is good for emergencies but not a great choice for a lifestyle. I've been trying to catch up on things at home, apply for jobs (have I mentioned that I'm most likely not going to grad school this fall? that I'm looking for a job for this fall? explanations to follow in another post. . . ), spend time with friends & roommates, etc., and it seems that I haven't stopped at all.

This is why I am extremely excited about the fact that I am currently sitting in my best friend Amanda's house in Albuquerque, New Mexico, two days into my vacation! You can imagine how much-needed it is. . . I haven't had a real, extended vacation that didn't involve hospitals or visiting my family for a weekend, for over a year. Plus, I love New Mexico! It is beautiful, hot but not humid, and they serve green chile on everything. Albuquerque is a wonderful bigger city, right next to mountains, but it's spread out vs. built up in huge buildings.

So that's where I am.

Well, I need to go now. Amanda and I are heading to Mesa Verde, CO, to camp for a few days, see the four corners, Monument Valley, the Arches, and more!

pruned

2007-05-09T23:15:00.000-04:00

In a sermon in March, MVV mentioned that "When you're the one being pruned, you can't tell the difference between being pruned and being cut off,"in the context of the John 15 vine/branches metaphor.

This is the best description of what I've been experiencing during the past few months. Somehow, as I've begun to observe Lent the past few years, each Lent season has touched off a unique and intense period of growth in my life.
This year, it's been a process of re-learning how to trust Jesus for every aspect of my life. That sounds like a trite saying, but I kid you not, it has been a serious, gut-wrenching, excruciating, heartbreaking experience.

It has also been freeing, stretching, and life-giving.

I believe it started with my parents' illnesses in February. My mom called me with news of my dad once again being taken to the hospital with heart problems, and as I drove my sister and I to the hospital, I was truly afraid that this third heart attack would be the time my dad wouldn't make it. I'd had a disturbing dream a few months earlier of my father suddenly dying, which had been in the back of my mind ever since. As my sister dozed in the passenger seat, I cried out to God for my father's life, and I realized that I had to decide whether or not I was going to trust God with him, with my family, with the outcome no matter what happened. And I had to think about that, and weigh what that really meant, because at that point, it's not just a flippant, Christian-ese Sunday School answer, it's being willing to take my hands off, and it's realizing that I am not guaranteed my dad's life, and the implications of that, and having to be OK with that, because it's not just about what I want or my own well-being, or even my dad's well-being, it is much more than all of us. Not in a resigned way, not that I wouldn't still pray for healing and protection for Dad, but in a way that I live out the truth, the full truth, of what I say I believe, because for too long I had not been trusting God with my family, whom I had taken my own shoulders, as though I could somehow take care of everything.

And of course, it didn't end there. Not only was my dad in the hospital, my mom the same week had started to have her own heart problems, meaning I was taking care of my mom and wondering about her health, at the same time we're going to the hospital every day while my dad had surgery and recovered. I went back again and again to the car ride home, and the decision I had made to trust, believing in the ultimate goodness and faithfulness of God, and I had to hold on to that, I had to struggle to live in and accept the peace in that, to believe Jesus is who He says He is.
I had a lot of time to reflect during the two weeks I was taking care of them, and I began to realize that, just maybe, this wasn't the only area I was failing to entrust to God.

(to be continued)

processing

2007-01-17T21:48:00.000-05:00

It is impossible to even think about trying to fit all that has been going through my head and my heart in the last week and a half.

Last week I had the blessing of being able to hang out with the interim class for the Masters in Spiritual Formation & Leadership program from Spring Arbor University. In previous years, this class was just a stand-alone option, and I audited it a couple of years ago. Richard Foster has taught it for a few years now, and sometimes is joined by his mentor Bill Vaswig, whom I was looking forward to being with this year. I went to a prayer retreat weekend the first year they came to campus, and it was an unforgettable experience -- I am always impressed by the example of Christ in their lives, but also how down to earth they both are.

I'll probably take a couple of posts to touch on some main points that stood out to me, since there was so much. Tonight what comes to mind are the students I met. I was one of the youngest people there, which was really refreshing, because sometimes it is easy for me to look at my own generation as the "only hope" for spiritual renewal in the churches (which I know really isn't true, so go easy), when in this class there was a rich group of diverse people, ages, backgrounds, etc. I sat there one evening and imagined the impact just that group of students might have, and it was astonishing. Not only were they great people, they were so kind to me and encouraging, and I learned so much from them. They made me feel at home with them, even though most of them had already formed online communities in their first semester of classes this fall. It is sometimes hard for me to feel "normal" around Christian adults, for many, many reasons, but I felt they were some kindred spirits. I am encouraged to think about the future of the church when I think of this group and their passion to know Christ more.

"so this is the new year . . . "

2007-01-08T13:30:00.000-05:00

Welcome, 2007!

There is a lot I could write about, since it's been so long since I've written a post. The basic gist is, the holidays were great, time with the fam was great, and overall I felt overwhelmingly blessed the whole time. Not bad, eh?

I'd rather write about this -- there's a passage I read during Advent that I can't get out of my head. It's from a familiar Christmas passage, but it struck me in a new way this year. It's Luke 1:45, from Elizabeth's words to Mary as she comes for a visit -- "Blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord."

That's really what it came down to -- this reaction made the difference between Mary's song and Zechariah's muteness. God spoke and Mary, as crazy as the words were, believed they would be fulfilled.

This hits me right in the heart -- I am at this point in my life where I am being challenged in many areas of my life. God has been speaking directly into the areas that matter the most to me, giving encouragement, wisdom, direction -- and also calling me to action. This has come through prayer, scripture, dreams, counsel from friends, songs, visions, you name it. Some of it is of the "Whoa, answered prayer" type, some of it just confirmation of things that I've already been learning about, some just plain expressions of God's love towards me.

When I read this verse, it brought me back to obedience. The thing is, God can speak all He wants to us, and we can even listen and hear, but it comes down to our ability to believe Him above all others, and to live that out. I think I've been collecting these divine tidbits, seeking encouragement and direction and finally starting to receive it, but I've come short of really living as if I believe that God is going to fulfill those things. I've hoarded myself, my talents, my time, and just sort of hung back from pursuing these amazing next steps set before me. Almost as though I doubt the very good thing that I seek and that God wants to give, and I just can't handle the idea that God actually is good. And, in the challenging things, almost as if I have forgotten that stepping out in faith was never guaranteed to be an easy thing to begin with, but that God is always with me in each challenge.

I don't know if any of this makes sense. It sounds a lot better in my head as I go through the days mulling it over. It is so big I have a hard time wrapping my mind around it. What if I woke up each day, and wholeheartedly believed God is who He says He is, will do what He has said He will do, and wants me to fully participate in this kingdom life? I know this is what we should be pursuing already, but I don't think about it enough. How radical would that be? How much would my life change?? Belief in its truest sense must drive me to action of some sort, must impact my life somehow, as it did Mary's, and yet it is easy for me to be lulled into complacent living.

Anyway, this is my theme verse for this year. Wouldn't it be great to be known as blessed for believing God? I want to be known for that.

A pretty good new year's resolution, I think.

for today

2006-11-12T22:49:00.000-05:00

This was posted as the intro to the prayer for today at http://www.sacredspace.ie (thanks to Pastor Glenn at Fully Devoted for pointing me to the site).

"The Sunday papers fill this gloomy month with thoughts of the festive season ahead. Six weeks before the birth, Mary must have been as much preoccupied with thoughts of Christmas as the retailers who weary us with countdowns. Joseph was watching her health and activity, trying to temper life's demands on her. Mary grew more and more interior, as expectant mothers do, identifying with the baby-in-waiting, full of hope, and in Mary's case with a sense of being part of a plan beyond her imagining. Lord, do not forget this tiny planet. We still need a Saviour, and the hope that he brings. I do not require the glitzy offerings of the hucksters, but I want to be part of your redemptive plan for the world."

Amen.

for all you last-minute voters. . .

2006-11-06T22:01:00.000-05:00

This is a pretty sweet website I discovered today -- http://www.publius.org -- you do a search on your own name and it shows you your local ballot, complete with links to each candidate's website (if available). Also, if you're voting in Jackson County, check out the Jackson CitPat's elections section on http://www.mlive.com .

Now if it would just tell us who is actually going to do what they say they want to do. . .

just think

2006-10-16T23:26:00.000-04:00

I was just sitting here, listening to my roommate talk about her sister, who's recently married. It made this connection with something that came to mind this past Sunday -- I was teaching Sunday School, and we were talking about Adam and Eve and the Fall, in the context of pain/struggling and how we process those experiences. At a certain point, I just became amazed again at how things must have been before "the big oops" -- Adam and Eve had total communion with God, were innocent, and lived in perfect union with each other.
My roommate was saying how her sister loves being married, how it's so much better being able to be together all the time. It just brought to mind -- how amazing is it that Paul talks about the church being the Bride of Christ. How sad it is that such an incomprehensible existence, the kind Adam and Eve got a taste of, was broken -- how heartbreaking that must have been, to have been the ones who knew what they had and lost it. It makes so much sense -- the same way that a girl longs to finally be married, to finally be with her husband, in that same way we as Christians spend our days on earth with the underlying longing for our true Husband --
and yet how full of grace God is, that we are able to experience His transforming power on earth and, one day, complete restoration & redemption and new home.
*sigh*

just when wondering sets in. . .

2006-10-11T23:12:00.000-04:00

. . . and you feel like you've been rocked from all angles. Just when you are hanging on by a thread, white-knuckled with stubborn belief in God's goodness yet feeling the full-blown effects of the spiritual battle all around you. Just when you feel most alone, and you are hoping for a breath of fresh air, for any encouragement, yet you know faith goes beyond these comforts.

It's right at that moment when you are sitting in a staff meeting, sleepy-eyed and emotionally drained from the previous week (maybe even the weekend), expecting nothing but the order of the day -- this is when you knocked off balance by the specificity of the Holy Spirit, ever-present and ever-working. Your eyes fall on a seemingly random calendar brought in out of the blue by a pastor on staff, which happened to be left sitting right in front of where you're sitting, minding your own business. Until you happen to actually read what's on the cover of this sort of cheesy-looking publication you'd otherwise dismiss -- and your eyes begin to tear up as you read a verse from the Bible that might as well have been written for you, even though it was and it wasn't, and you hope you can keep it together during the meeting, but this time because you're so overwhelmed by love, by the knowledge of being fully known by someone, the reassurance of never having been abandoned, not ever, for even one moment.

True story. And the verse? Here it is:

Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished.
1 Chronicles 28:20

a break in the action

2006-09-22T21:41:00.000-04:00

So. The past few weeks have been this whirlwind ever since Labor day, the day I met my CORE students -- who, I must say, have been a dream so far. There was all of the freshman orientation stuff to go to, then Gear Up Sunday at church, this big festival. Then last week was Cedar Bend.

Ah, Cedar Bend. . . what can I say about the experience? Again, I had such an amazing time -- it was quite a time driving a people mover full of my core students -- a wild and crazy bunch, I must say. I don't think I've ever laughed so much in one weekend -- everyone is sort of off the wall in a funny, mischevious, random way. It was great to see the group interact and come together as a team. Nate, my PA, was wonderful, he's this big outdoors guy which was great for Cedar Bend and he did a great job with the students. And it was great just to be back at the Bend again, LBH (let's be honest).

I came back from the weekend tired, but not drained -- a great confirmation that I'm working where my passions lie. And God really used that weekend to slow me down a bit, and to really speak to my heart about not worrying about money and provisions, something that had been weighing on me lately (and which was good to trust in once I came back to a car that wouldn't run).

All that to say, I'm still crazy busy right now, but I think things will slow down after this week (I hope), and it's all really worth the effort.

whudang!

2006-09-05T00:27:00.000-04:00

Wow. . . it has been a loooong time since I've updated. Somehow I feel responsible to this thing, to at least make an attempt to be consistent. Now I have Facebook, though, which I vowed never to get, but let's be honest, I'm working with college students this year, I pretty much have to just to still be somewhat cool.

Next thing you know, I'll be getting Myspace -- yikes. (no offense to all you myspace fans out there -- I not only don't like how it looks, I can only keep up so many websites at once to begin with)

Have I mentioned a crapload of things have happened just during this past month?? I started a new job in August, I work for Spring Arbor Free Methodist, half-time as an administrative assistant for adult ministries, and I am also doing an internship overseeing college-age ministries. Whew. It's been a whirlwind month just with that.
And then. . . add on moving a week ago Friday and the frantic week leading up to that of packing, cleaning, arranging, etc. And then unpacking, arranging, etc.
And THEN. . . add in getting asked to teach CORE 100 . . . which I had not anticipated since they had said earlier in the summer they didn't need any more instructors.

So this month has been this intense period of life hitting me all at once. I am still in the shell-shocked, "I'm getting paid to work in ministry?? I get to do what I'm passionate about (young adults)??? I'm teaching CORE???" mode. I am overwhelmed not only by activity (not all the time, just if I let myself think too much ahead), but by how blessed I am! I look back at the past year or so, at coming to SAFMC in January, at this summer and the growth that's happened in these short months, and I realize how much God's been preparing me for this moment. It's like God's saying, OK, go!! Move forward in the gifts, the experiences, the passion I've given you! And I am really busy right now, and I'm tired, but it's soo different than before -- I am doing things I love to do, which is motivating and energizing rather than draining and constantly stressful.

So if you would think of praying for me, you could pray for the college students I'll be in contact with, both in my class and though the church. Pray for balancing teaching and my work at the church, as well as a stubborn commitment to investing daily in my relationship with God through things like prayer and listening. Pray for relationships with friends I have already -- I've moved into an apartment with girls who I know are going to be fabulous but whom I don't know very well, and out of a house of girls with close relationships -- which is hard not seeing them every day to begin with, as well as being inundated with new people left and right at church and at SAU. Plus Tanya, one of my closest friends, left for Peru this month, which is another hard thing for me to process and I don't think that's hit me fully. And pray for boldness -- I am being stretched in great ways, but I have to be willing and obedient -- willing to mess up especially and learn from my mistakes, willing to take risks, obedient to God's leading, in all things.

getting my feet wet

2006-08-04T15:46:00.000-04:00

I started my new job/internship this week at Spring Arbor FMC. I'm administrative support for adult ministries, and also will be coordinating the college age portion of young adult ministries for my internship. It's been the typical first week with little productive activity and a whole lot of introductions, new information, computer setup, trying to find our office under all Dustin's stuff, meetings, etc. I am really excited about the possibilities for this next year, as we're looking at vision for young adults and as the church as a whole continues to shift its ministries to line up with Pastor Mark's vision. And there's such a big difference in how I feel just about getting up in the morning and coming to work (not that my last job was so horrible, just not what I was passionate about). I've been really appreciative of the warm welcome and all the help I've already gotten from the staff.

I've also been helping out with VBS this week at the Albion FMC -- ¡viva la fiesta!! It's been quite an experience, I am definitely not a big kid helper in general but it's overall been better than I first imagined. I am glad, however, it's the last night -- because it's been a long week!!

And right as I write, the Chile DREAM team is just getting back to town -- and boy am I excited!!

¡Adelante!

time off

2006-07-21T16:37:00.000-04:00

Here's some good news. . . last week I was officially hired as part-time administrative staff at Spring Arbor Free Methodist, under the young adult and adult discipleship pastors. This is good news since I had already given my notice at my previous job, trusting that something would work out. I will be starting no later than August 1. Also in the works is a part-time internship under young adult ministries at the church. So, amazingly, God is providing a way for me to work in the area of ministry I'm passionate about!!

Since my old job ended last week, I've been taking some time out this week to relax, hang out with friends, read a book, have some extended prayer times, etc. It's been good but somehow my time gets filled up just as quickly! I've had a chance to go out to Somerset Beach Campground a couple of times to hang out with Maria and Robbie Bolton at their site, as well as hang out with the usual crowd of friends. I've also been reading Mansfield Park by Jane Austen, and I've been able to have a lot more time to do things like go to Lime Lake or to Ella Sharp Park and walk. I've also taken this chance to ride my (borrowed) bike around Jackson to save on gas money, which has been nice.

And speaking of Somerset Beach Campground, man, I was so refreshed by the overall atmosphere of Family Camp. It was encouraging to see so many people respond to the Spirit's movement, and I was excited to see people challenged by the amazing preaching by Kenny Martin. Whew!

So that's what's happening with me. Off to set up a DDR party for tonight. . . I know, it's a rough life.

bautismos (baptisms!)

2006-07-11T09:10:00.000-04:00

I made it back down here just in time to get to Somerset Beach Camp and attend the baptism service at family camp. . . I was excited to witness as two of my friends from CAV, Carlos Rivera and Carlos Mauricio, were baptized. Here are some pics!

Carlos Rivera

Carlos Mauricio

back

2006-07-10T09:29:00.000-04:00

I'm back from vacation, back to Jackson, back to work for my last week at Allied. . .
Vacation was interesting, I think I'm still processing some things since there wasn't a whole lot of alone time for introspection. At the very least it was good for me not to do anything really "productive" for a week, something I'm not very good at doing (not doing?), which I realized once again. It was also good to spend time with my family, especially my grandparents and my aunt, but also my parents and sister. We don't get to spend that much time together very often anymore.
Well, anyway, more at a later date.

vacaciones

2006-06-30T14:49:00.000-04:00

It's Friday again. . . funny how that happens about every 7 days.

I did put my notice in on Monday to leave Allied . . . everyone was great, they were understanding and knew it was "just a matter of time." Wednesday I interviewed for the part-time position at SAFMC as well as talked about doing an internship there, that was a good conversation, very encouraging, it looks like at least the internship is a go, and I'll work on setting it up when Doug Blume gets back from his missions trip. We'll see what happens with the other job.

This morning was the last morning I spent with Moogie (see above), the Kriesch's dog. I was running really late for work, and I had just called my office to let them know I was leaving the house. The last thing I had to do was take the trash out to their garage. . . I go out, and Moogie had, once again, made his escape. They have an outside kennel he stays in during the day, and it's connected to a hole in the garage with a cage made out of wood boards on the inside of the garage. Earlier this week he had finally made enough progress in chewing through one of the boards to break out (this was during a dinner I was eating with some of my friends and one of them quietly asked, "Should the dog be sitting on the porch?"). We nailed another board in its place. . . and this morning I found Moogie running loose in the garage, wreaking havoc, having completely chewed through the new board. Thankfully Robbie and Maria are going to go and try and fix the kennel tonight since I am heading out of town for vacation tonight.

Ah, just another confirmation of the fact that, despite what I might feel about getting one, I do not want the reality of having a dog right now in my life.

I'll be in Wisconsin visiting my mom's family next week. . . so if you don't hear from me -- Go Brasil!! Think of me as I'll be trying to listen to the world cup game Saturday, hopefully able to pick up a radio station that carries it. Or think of me eating copious amounts of wonderful cheese.

tidbits

2006-06-27T14:27:00.000-04:00

And here are some things that have piqued my interest lately:

Roadtripsummer -- Kat and Alisha, some friends from SAU, are taking a dream road trip across the U.S. -- this is their story! I absolutely love it!!

Imagens Do Mato Grosso -- a blog by a Brazilian photographer, the pictures are from the same state in Brasil that I've visited

Fox Sport's World Cup page -- links to scores, a Match Tracker where they post each play, etc.

"Dealing with the Quarterlife Crisis" -- a MSN Encarta article

Chapel -- Spring Arbor University -- you can now listen to the past year's chapel services online, as well as subscribe to the Chapel podcast. So far, I recommend listening to Ken Brewer and Mary Darling's chapel messages.

Romania VISA trip 2006 -- SAFMC's Romania trip updates

SAU Masters in Spiritual Formation and Leadership -- in case you were wondering what that's all about

what is up

2006-06-27T09:47:00.000-04:00

Welp (to quote the great Lisa Rowland) . . .
Man, so much has happened in the past few weeks, too much to detail out -- but here's the rundown.
I recently started meeting with Ken Brewer, an SAU prof and an informal mentor, and another SAU student, for inner healing prayer sessions -- long story, but some things kept coming up that made it clear I needed to do this, it's something I'd wanted to do for a while but was too scared to start doing for a while. Anyway, on our June 14 session there was a HUGE breakthrough, which could be the subject of its own blog all by itself, but the basic gist is, there have been some evil spirits oppressing me for years and years, and I was freed from them that night. This wasn't totally a surprise as God had pretty much showed me a few months ago that could be going on, but it was weird, to be honest, although done in a completely biblical manner, which I have always trusted Ken with doing. There is way more I could say, and I welcome any questions or comments as this can be a controversial topic, but I just mention this not to try and get attention, but as a way to praise God for the amazing change He's brought to my life (which has happened in so many ways, again, too much to tell here) and involve you, my friends, in sharing my joy.

So that's the biggest thing that's happened lately. . . other topics worthy to mention include:
Dog-sitting for Ben and Kristin Kriesch -- see my Flickr link for pics of all the fun we've had while they've been away. Their dog Moogie is officially my new best friend, and I am loving having a whole house to myself.
Maria and Robbie are back -- and it has been great hanging out with them. They are so goofy in love!! And are great at coming up with random things to do such as karaoke and watching the harness racing at the fairgrounds.
Quitting -- I put my notice in at my job with Allied yesterday. I am pursuing setting up a part-time internship with Spring Arbor Free Methodist, as well as looking to start the Masters of Spiritual Formation and Leadership online through SAU this fall. And consequently will be looking for a part time job. These are all things I had been mulling over for quite some time, but I got really discouraged and distracted for a while from God's leading and wasn't being very obedient to where He was guiding. I am excited about the new changes, and have so much peace about the decision, but I am also sad to be leaving great co-workers and bosses.
Challenges -- concerns I have for various friends, car repair needs, and general life -- but boy do I have a different attitude towards all these!! I am definitely learning the power and necessity of prayer in all things, and God is giving me the strength and peace to leave those concerns with Him.
Vacation -- next week I'm going with my family to Wisconsin. This will be the first family vacation I've gone on in 4 years -- and the first actual vacation I've taken in about 2 years. Needless to say, I'm excited for the chance to rest and for a chance to see my mom's family.

Consider yourselves updated.

a whole new meaning

2006-06-15T09:39:00.000-04:00

From Psalm 30:1-2, 11-12 (just had to post it twice since it's true in a new way for me)

I will exalt you, O LORD,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
O LORD my God, I called to you for help
and you healed me. . .
You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.

Isaiah 60:1-3 (the passage Jesus quotes in Luke 4 about Himself)

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

plan S revealed

2006-06-14T14:25:00.000-04:00

Well, it is finally time. . . I had mentioned "Plan S" (which again you have to speak as being Spanish and not English even though it's spelled the same). Well, on May 20, after one month of secretly taking lessons from a friend. . . I went to Tanya's going away dance at Ann Arbor, and actually danced. . . salsa!!

(Sorry it's blurry, it's a picture of a picture) Carlos Mauricio and I are doing some sort of turn there.
This was a pretty big deal for me . . . sometime a few months ago I decided I finally wanted to learn how to dance, which is something I've never gone out with our friends and done before. There was a lot of pressure to dance, which I didn't like, and it's also hard for me to allow myself to be vulnerable socially like that. There are also a lot of potential temptations and drama involved many times when people go out to dance, which I largely try to steer clear of. And I just didn't have much desire to dance anyway!! But, when I finally started wanting to, I prayed about whether or not I should and it seemed like it was ok, one of our friends who took salsa lessons and is great, Carlos Mauricio, agreed to teach me (and his girlfriend Rachel graciously agreed to let him). Tanya had taught me the basic steps, and then she went with me when I took a couple of lessons a week for a month, and we got a routine down. And there you have it -- I surprised myself and can do pretty well for a beginner. I have always liked salsa music (as opposed to other latin styles that I don't really care for) and it has been so fun to work on a secret project like this. And I also surprised a lot of our friends who were always trying to understand (unsuccessfully) why I wouldn't ever dance.

So, there you have it. I still am not a big fan of going out to dances all the time, that whole scene is becoming even less appealing as time goes on, and I am intentionally limiting how much I go so I don't fall into habits I will later regret, but I think I would like to keep taking classes either from Carlos Mauricio or in Lansing. And I can practice some on my own. It's really helped me learn how to enjoy myself and have fun, something I struggle with at times. I also learned some good lessons from the first dance about the value of relationships vs. ability in Hispanic culture. And it would be fun in the future if I ever date to (maybe) have someone else to learn with.

blogging

2006-06-13T14:07:00.000-04:00

This article sums up a lot of things that go through my mind when I read some blogs, especially ones that are devoted to a certain topic/forum (i.e. Christianity Today's Out of Ur and other polictical, scholastic, and religious blogs). Most frustrating thing that often occurs? I like to call it "blog rage".
Anyway, I thought this was a good article.
"Goodbye, Blog"
http://www.christianitytoday.com/bc/2006/003/17.36.html

words to hold on to

2006-06-13T11:07:00.000-04:00

It's been a tough week or so. . . I've definitely been holding on to these words for dear life.

Romans 8:26-27 (NIV)
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

Psalm 30:11-12 (NASB)
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness,
That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent
O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever.

another good date

2006-06-06T10:15:00.000-04:00

I like these fun numerical dates. . .
happy

06-06-06 !!

adios, adios, que te vayas bien

2006-06-02T09:51:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was a bittersweet day. . . we saw the FMWM Chile DREAM team off to the airport. There are 12 young adults heading off to Chile until August 4 to work with local church planters in Santiago -- what an exciting opportunity!

It was harder for my friends and I to watch our roommate and one of our best friends, Tanya Metzler, leave for the trip. Tanya is also going to Chile, but once she returns, she'll be home for about 10 days and then will leave again to go to Tacna, Peru for 18 months as a VISA missionary. It's hard to watch someone you've lived with, worked with in ministry, and had such a good friendship with, leave for that type of trip. We'll see her again in August, but as she said, "it's just a visit" this time, and her room in the house is now bare and lonely.

Please pray for Tanya as she is raising the last of her support and as she is on the Chile trip and preparing for Peru. And pray for our circle of friends -- it's been a big week of changes with Maria getting married and moving out, and with Tanya moving out and a number of our other close friends being gone on the Chile trip as well. It's good change but hard change.

felicidades!!

2006-05-31T09:42:00.000-04:00

We got 'em married!!
May 28, 2006, 4:00 p.m.
Bay Shore Camp
Sebewaing, MI

Farewell Miss Crawford!!

(check out my flickr spot for more pics --->)

taking a deep breath

2006-05-25T09:39:00.000-04:00

Whew. Today's the last day of work for this week, I'm taking tomorrow off. Good thing, too. I am completely wiped out. This past weekend was another blur in a series of week-long blurs called "spending every moment possible with people before they leave/get married". We had a surprise going-away party for Tanya (she had absolutely no idea -- yessss!!), went out dancing for her "last dance" in Ann Arbor and were out until 5 a.m. . . . went to CAV and hung out afterwards until about midnight. Then started the work week.
I also had a pretty big disappointment on the career front in recent weeks, which I haven't really had a chance to process but which had just added to the tension.
But, what can you do? I can see where I've grown a lot in the past year or so -- back then I probably would have been on shutdown mode and so worn out I'd be sick. Right now I just keep hanging in there, knowing God is with me and has a better clue about things than I do at the moment. And I am cherishing these "last times" together before the big changes come.

And here's something random I keep forgetting to post -- a quote from an article on singleness from a secular, male perspective. A pretty powerful statement on the fallout of sex outside of marriage.

"They thought I was out on the prowl, but I felt like a lone wolf who had lost his appetite for meat. Don't get me wrong, I love sex. But sex without intimacy is like eating candy -- it's not sustenance for the soul, and usually leaves you with a stomach ache the next morning.
Like a lot of men and women these days, I have had relationships, but with nothing leading to marriage it was demoralizing."

from "Being (Happily) Single in a Couples' World"

I love where he mentions "sustenance for the soul" -- how often do we hear that type of honesty in the media from non-Christian sources??

More after the insanity of the weekend, including pictures and the explanation of "Plan S".

17 days and counting. . .

2006-05-11T14:42:00.000-04:00

Going tonight to get the bridesmaid dress altered for Maria's wedding. . . it does look like this picture here but think a brighter, more pale shade of this pistachio color and that's what 10 of us will be wearing. I like Lisa's description -- a "pistachio-colored dream." May 28 is the big day.

Plan S is coming along well . . . to be unveiled May 20. Pictures and an explanation to come afterward. It'll be good, folks, let me say that, and you will be surprised.

This whole season of life keeps speeding towards its inevitable end -- Tanya's leaving for Chile/Peru, Maria's getting married. New girls are moving in about the same time. The Fellowship is breaking. . . *sigh* but at the same time God in His grace is ushering in a new group of friends slowly but surely, and I am thankful for them. Funny how He's all wise and all like that.

ay ay ay ay!!

2006-05-05T14:02:00.000-04:00

¡Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

This brings back fond memories of being on 26th St. in Chicago last year with a sweet group of chicas, going to a party in one of the parks and cruising up and down the street confusing people because we were white girls waving a Mexican flag. O to be back there this year!! But alas it was not to be.

here's one to chew on for a while

2006-05-03T14:59:00.000-04:00

From Ephesians 5:26-27 (the Message version)
Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness.

This was part of the passage Pastor Mark preached on this past Sunday. I can't get over that concept -- we are loved by God and as we are loved, we are made beautiful. That extends to us as we love others -- it has a transforming effect on people as well.

it's been a hard day's night. . .

2006-04-28T09:39:00.000-04:00

So, yes, it has been quite a while since I have posted.
I do loan processing at my job, and we're a small company so there is just myself and Monica, who is the best loan processor ever and has been here for 6 years. She is my processing guru. Well, about 7 weeks ago she had her baby, Brody, and left on maternity leave. So that meant I did all the processing for the company, and we just happened to have the most loans going at one time ever. This translates to me being swamped for about 6 weeks solid at work, and since I only have the internet at work (and usually have downtime when it's a normal workload) I haven't really had a chance to update.
Let me try to do this without being too wordy. . .
God is doing a lot. This is not big news, as He is usually up to a lot, but I have personally been challenged to seek out God's reality behind the physical world we see every day. I have become more and more aware of the Ephesians 6, spiritually-laden realities behind everyday situations. I have also been targeted, very specifically, by some of the evil forces, but still God is protecting me and I have a great group of friends praying for me and encouraging me. And I have also been driven to be even more thankful for God's protection and the Holy Spirit's wisdom and power in my own life, especially for the majority of the time that I am not aware of it.
I am also excited about how the Spirit is moving at SAU. Last week I came to a prayer training group that Ken Brewer is leading, and I was surprised first of all by the number of students there. I was also blessed to hear about how God is working through these students in big and small ways, and encouraged to see them uniting together not just to pray, but so that they can make an impact by serving the SAU community and Jackson. This is something I've been praying for SAU about for a while now, because I have been concerned from talking with some of the students that strong spiritual leadership by students has been fading since a number of us graduated a couple of years ago.
And some other random snippets. . .
I don't usually get excited about babies, but man, Monica's baby Brody is awesome! I think it's because she's the first person I've known where I've seen the whole process happen. Anyway. Still doesn't mean I want one, but hey.
"Plan S" (but you have to say it in Spanish) commenced this week. I will not say anything about particulars, but if you know me, you will be surprised. I will have pictures once it is unveiled.

Still no idea what I am doing this summer, or next year. . . there are some possibilities, but nothing even close to being a firm plan. I need to move (the guy who owns our house is going to sell it this fall), but I'm not even sure what to do about that exactly. We shall see.

And finally, some shout outs to Emily and Andrew Smith for the birth of Ailey Kaelyn Smith. Click on her name & check out their website! Also to Matt & Betsey Brown for the birth of Elias. . . keep him in your prayers, everything looks fine so far but they will be watching him as he develops because of some brain damage from water on the brain.
It still never ceases to be weird when I hear of friends (some younger than I am) having kids. . . yikes.

That's it for now -- peace & grace be with you!

2006-04-05T08:55:00.000-04:00

Just a quick post to say. ..

happy
04-05-06 !!!!

2006-03-10T10:16:00.000-05:00

Here are a few random things for your interest and amusement.

Ask a Ninja -- People ask a ninja questions and he responds. This really makes me laugh!

Some good movies to watch --
Proof with Gwyneth Paltrow, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Anthony Hopkins. A math genius who had (I think) schizophrenia in his later years passes away, and his math genius daughter who took care of him tries to deal with the loss. Throw in a ground-breaking math proof and a love interest (which thankfully was not really the main focus of the movie) and this may become one of my favorite movies of the year.
2001: A Space Odyssey -- This was made back in 1968, before anyone had even been to the moon, and back when special effects were still being developed. Pretty amazing. The book is even better. Yes, the movie is mysterious, but it was intended to be that way.

A quote: "All research, he decided, begins with your imagination and with your intuition, relying heavily on the confictions of the heart." -- from Sufjan Stevens' bio, www.asthmatickitty.com .

vomit time

2006-03-09T09:17:00.000-05:00

Yes, so, I haven't updated in a while. . .
The title refers to one of our favorite phrases from Rob Bell's sermons. . . spiritually vomiting everything out to others and it being a good thing.
It seems like God is doing so much! I have been amazed quite a bit lately. . . not just in the "whoa, divine fire" ways but in the more ordinary (and, because of that, even more miraculous) ways.
I will explicate. Firstly, I have been reading The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, and it has really challenged me. . . it has a lot of simple concepts about human relationships and how God interacts with us, but yet, they are concepts that we often ignore or avoid, which leads to problems and sin. He talks a lot about the concept of love from new angles. I was reading a section about grace, and he was explaining about how one way God's grace works through our subconscious and things like dreams, helping us to understand things we would not realize otherwise.
That night, I had this amazing dream -- it wouldn't make sense if I wrote about it here, really, but it was one of those times where I woke up, realized what it meant and what God was trying to tell me, and just felt thankful and humbled. It was dealing with some issues that I've been having in relation to counseling I've been going through. I've been feeling for a while that I've sort of been stuck and not really progressing, and wasn't sure of why that was. The dream confronted some fears and avoidance that I've had but not realized. . . anyway, it was just great. And it was great to sit down with my counselor and talk about real issues for once instead of what I've been tending to do, which is just skirt around issues and pretend that I'm ok (which, hello, I'm in counseling to deal with stuff to begin with. . .).
So, while this has been a good thing, it is, of course, hard and has made me stop to ponder many things in my life since then. Definitely worth the trouble.
And that is why, my friends, I have decided to have a sex change. . . . JUST KIDDING! Wanted to see if you were paying attention. heehee.
I have been going through Mars Hill's Lent readings on my own. It's something I've never really observed, but I've found it appropriate to this point in my life. It's a time of inner reflection in expectation of celebrating Easter, and it's really been helpful in settling me down each day to where I'm more open to hearing God's promptings. At the same time, I still want to fight against the silence but I am trying to be patient through those times.
I am starting to get a little more settled into Spring Arbor FMC -- another point of anxiety over new relationships, but God's been really faithful to put great people in my path. I am interested to see how our ministry exploration group will keep developing. I am excited about the possibilities in Spring Arbor and Jackson!
One of my favorite readings from Lent so far --
GOD proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from GOD. It's a good thing when you're young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions: Wait for hope to appear.
Lamentations 3:25-29 (the Message)

by the way. . .

2006-02-01T12:04:00.000-05:00

. . . the 2000 VW Jetta in the picture is my car, Jillian. Jillian says hi. She says a lot of other things, but those are meant for me and are on the subject of repairs she is overdue for. . .

Here are some good links:
Ron Kopicko's Blog -- So you can stay updated on his cancer treatments and know how to pray better for him. He's Spring Arbor University's beloved (to make an understatement) chaplain.
Pandora -- this is pretty sweet. It lets you put in your favorite artists and then plays some of their music and some music similar to theirs.
Orisinal -- these are some games you can play in your free time, not only are they good-looking but very original and fun.

ay ay ay

2006-01-31T16:41:00.000-05:00

Whoa. I keep reading different blogs and getting frustrated. Today it was the Out of Ur Christianity Today blog, on about 4 main posts about this article by Brian McLaren. And about a billion ridiculous posts that totally blew up into a discourse that mostly missed the point of the original article. Which, ironically, was about pastoring and talked about listening before jumping to giving out pat answers whose applications aren't as black and white as the theology behind them. And how maybe he doesn't have it all figured out.
Anyway. My point is not so much what he even talked about -- I just can't believe the horrible ways Christians can respond to fellow Christians. Well, I mean, I can, but it just disappoints me deeply and makes me sad. Anyway. You can read (hopefully) my response to Brian's response to the responses, once it gets posted.
Which brings up another interesting question. . . how effective are blogs, really, in the area of discourse and exchange of ideas?? I keep seeing more and more that maybe it encourages more passive-agressive attacking of character rather than actual thoughtful exchange of ideas. Maybe it's the medium -- it's easy to sit behind a computer screen and send something off into cyberspace, having had your say but never seeing the effect it has on the actual people it's directed at.
Anyhoo, ramblings.
Heck, I don't care if people agree with me here, go ahead and comment. I don't have to respond or agree either, but if it makes you feel better, go for it. And I'll try to respond as much as I can, just so you know.

visions of Christmas dancing in my head. . .

2005-12-30T09:52:00.000-05:00

Man, Christmas was really good this year, for me, at least in comparison to last year, when I was still deep in the throes of depression and things were sort of chaotic internally because of that.
This year I was really able to enjoy being with my family and really re-discovered in my heart all the deep meanings behind this Christmas thing (thanks, Holy Spirit).
There were a couple of images that stuck with me from the weekend at home as my family went about the festivities.
One was during the Christmas Eve service at my parents' church. We were singing "What Child Is This?" and we came to the part about the ox and ass. . . and as soon as we came to singing "ass", I looked around and saw most of the children either snickering or looking up at their parents in a bit of shock and alarm, wondering what they were supposed to do.
Somehow, some of the Christmas hymns we sang struck me afresh -- it was good to actually hear the words and not just sing them.
Another image from the weekend was a dream that I had, I think it was the morning of Christmas Eve. I don't remember anything else from it except that I was in Sudan doing humanitarian work for an organization called Child Corps, and things were so bad that every time we would decide on a child to go and rescue somehow "the enemy" (or whatever they are called) would find out and get there ahead of time and snatch the children away. Yeah, whoa. Not to mention that I hadn't even remotely been thinking about Sudan or the genocide there while I was at home. One of those things were I think, "Ok, God, what was all that about??"
Last image. My mom and sister and I went to a coffeeshop Monday for lunch. It was great--usually when I'm home things are sort of rushed because I'm not there for very long, and we often don't necessarily have time to do things like that. We actually had a chance to relax and talk, it was great. It was perhaps the best part of what was wholly a fabulous weekend.

And just an interesting tidbit -- this kid went to Iraq. Alone. And his parent's didn't have a clue.
Farris Hassan's Not-So-Excellent Adventure
I'm guessing he'll eventually be an amazing journalist.

May the Lord's grace and peace shine over you during this Christmas and New Year's season.

no manches. . .

2005-12-09T10:21:00.000-05:00

. . . which translates to, "Yeah, right," or "you're kidding!" or something about like that.

Spanish at School Translates to Suspension

Apparently this kid was on a break, outside of the classroom, and talking just with another one of his friends in the class in Spanish, not being disruptive during class or anything like that, and they decided to suspend him. And then of course they took it back once a fuss was raised. . . but still. I am glad that the kid's dad stood up for him, because it was definitely excessive to suspend the kid right off. I'm not sure a lawyer and everything is quite needed, however. . . I am sure there are some more pressing Hispanic civil rights issues besides this that should have more attention paid to them. Anyway. I just can't believe this actually happened.

interesting

2005-12-06T12:49:00.000-05:00

I just read this article about how Mars Hill Bible church and some other churches are cancelling their Sunday services this year on Christmas. It's something my roommates and I were discussing a few weeks ago. One of them said, "Man, is it wrong for me not to want to go to church on Christmas?" The article explores that a little -- I mean, personally, I have to be honest when I say I hope my family stays home. It's not like we're going to fall away from "attending church" by not going on Christmas. I think it might be a little different if we had family coming who weren't Christians and we could invite them, but I still think something like the Christmas Eve service we'll go to is better for that sort of invite (with a better chance they would actually come). I think too church leaders should have a break, especially on Christmas, even if at the very least we moved the services to just an evening service or something, if a church is absolutely dying to have one.
I dunno, interesting debate. . . interesting how it is telling about our concepts of church in general.

here it is

2005-11-16T18:51:00.000-05:00

A few surface things, and then to the point. . . I want all of you who do not live in a state with cold seasons, today it was 29 degrees outside (or less), I could see my breath, and it is very lightly snowing.
Yes. it. is. snowing.

And another thing. . . I realized last week that my blog looks a lot like Christianity Today's Out of Ur. That was definitely not intentional as I didn't even notice there was even a graphic on their page until last week. I had this title/theme in my head for a while before I even saw their blog. Just so we're clear. . . I just hate trying to imitate other people's work, I'm a huge advocate of originality, sometimes to a fault. I'm going to keep it for a while until I figure out what to do about that.

On a more serious note. . . I haven't been able to talk about this in specifics because I had some details to work out and some close friends/church family and authority figures to notify and I didn't feel it was fair to them to post about it until they knew.
As of the end of November, I will be stepping down as a pastor at Comunidad Agua Viva. There are a lot of different factors that have gone into this decision, but really the main one is that God's been putting more of a burden on my heart for the area of young adult/emerging church ministry over these past few months, as well as impressing on me the need to look at my life as a whole and change some things. And while I love the church plant and have had an experience beyond any of my wildest imaginings, right now I need to have a full time job to support myself, and unfortunately that opportunity hasn't arisen in a ministry position at this time. In order to work with the local emerging community at the church plant, I would need way more time and energy than I can give after working 40-hour weeks at the mortgage company, and I wouldn't be able to do it justice in that situation (and would probably end up burned out and depressed again in the process of trying to make it work). In an effort to reconcile these two facts, God has helped me see the next step -- I will keep my current job, leave CAV, and join Brian Kono and the young adult ministry at Spring Arbor Free Methodist church as just a helper over the next few months, starting in January. This will help me gain experience where I feel called to minister as well as provide me a chance to figure out what comes after this summer --whether that means a church position, seminary, or something else I haven't thought of yet.
I am leaving out of God's leading and not out of problems between myself and anyone/anything at the church -- I want to make that clear. This is an exciting time for me because it holds new possibilities, challenges, and growth opportunities. At the same time it is gut-wrenchingly hard as I start saying goodbye and make the transition bit by bit. I definitely have shed not a few tears as I've been thinking about, discussing, and announcing my leaving. And just the reality of worshipping and participating in a (mostly) new church community with a vastly different type of ministry from ours, is going to be a challenge--I think church planting has ruined me (in a good way) for trying to fit into a "normal" church. Not to mention all the other adjustments anyone who's had to move to or lead a different church would understand.
So I would appreciate your prayers greatly. I'll be at CAV attending until the end of December, and after that it'll be the occasional visit when I can find time to do so.

a cautious enthusiasm

2005-11-04T16:18:00.000-05:00

Here's the deal. . . I really love the academic side of most things. I mean, back when I started college, I was dead set on going into Physics and working at NASA, so that gives you some insight into how some ways my mind thinks (although at the same time you need to realize there were some good reasons I didn't end up in that profession). So it is easy for me to go on websites about the emerging church (like The Ooze) and participate in the forums and learn the new linguistics of the whole movement, and resonate with what's being discussed and sift through all the different perspectives. And then I was looking at Mars Hill Graduate School's website, and it all seems so fresh and exciting and revolutionary, and I want to keep jumping in and moving ahead along with the whole thing.
However, as with any movement, there is the set of people who will only adopt the cerebral and image aspects of the movement, while inside they are the same people in different clothing playing a part.
I think I just get scared sometimes that I will become an intellectual hipster but not a disciple of Christ. . . that I will keep learning about all of these ways we are growing and being challenged as a community of faith and never live that outwardly in action. I don't want to just learn how to talk differently, I want to live differently.
I am not making a comment on any of these websites or on the emerging church, I am just commenting on my desire to guard my heart from living a deceptive existence. Doing something like church planting is a good reality check, because you can't live well in that context if you truly don't believe in what you're doing, or you end up finding out what isn't in sync with "God's rhythm" and change accordingly when the need is exposed. However, there is still that potential within all of us for the image change vs. inward change. Gotta watch that.
Anyway. A musing.

so it begins (continues?)

2005-10-23T00:27:00.000-04:00

Well, since I am doing so well at keeping up with the blog I have at livejournal , she said, tongue in cheek.
Yes, so I've started another blog -- with the intent that this would be a place to specifically discuss my thoughts (and hopefully start some conversations) on ministry, living out my faith, the emerging church, what's happening in the church I am a part of, and whatever else ends up coming out in the process.

The title comes from just this whole stage in my life -- it is pretty much an open road of which I still have much (I hope) left to travel. So many things are changing right at this moment that I haven't a clue where I'll be in 6 months or what I'll be doing. I don't know what ministry will look like for me in this next step I'm beginning. But it is here, and it is coming, and it is given to me to "walk on" (to quote Bono). And in this whole "emerging church" discussion there is the sense that we are just re-learning slowly, that it too is an open road to travel. So hopefully, in all this, we can travel it and learn and grow and be challenged together.

Enjoy the journey.